Mother's Day 2010

Dear Andrew and Bradley:

Today is Mother's Day, and I want to share some special words with you. I am in love, crazy love, with your Father. He encourages me to be the best mother I can be, and he is a wonderful example of a godly parent. I love the two sons he gave me more than I thought I could love two little human beings. There will never be enough time or words to cover all the emotions and sentiments I have for you, my family. But this is my attempt to give you a little glimpse.

There is not a single day that goes by where I do not thank God above for giving each of you to us, and to me. I now understand so much more of God's purpose for my life because of my boys. I will never forget each tender moment we have shared, from the first time I laid eyes on each of you, the sleepless nights (more with one of you in particular), the bonding, the cuddles, coos and kisses, the baths, the baby food, and on it goes. Each time I touch your skin and look in your eyes I am reminded of God's design and miracles.

Sure, some days are slightly more challenging than others. Some days I let the house go and we just play, all day. There are a few days when I just can't keep my eyes open. And some days I don't always feed you the best things. Some days I don't say the right things. Some days I don't do the right things. Those days are the days where I know, most assuredly, I am not capable of anything without God.

I also want to tell you that I do not see my being home with you and caring for you as my 'job.' You both are my joy, and caring for you, and our home, is something I desire to do, as best I can, every day. Before beginning this journey of motherhood, I wondered if any of it would come naturally, if I had any mothering instincts. The girl I was before both of you came along longed to be a mother, for so long, but was very unsure how my business-minded self would function outside of a career focus. Oh, how I adjusted- there were days that weren't easy, but generally because I had to realize how selfish I was and that there wasn't room for that anymore. Now, four years into the journey, I hardly recognize that girl in the pumps and glasses. She was part of me, but not all of me.

You will never owe me anything for being your mom. The Lord called me to mother each of you. He did not present a transaction to me where I agreed to fulfill certain responsibilities in exchange for something else. One day, when you are old enough, I hope you will understand that gifts, brunch or dinners out, pampering treatments and the like are not my desire- they are not my style. I do not wish to spend Mother's Day apart from you. Sure it's nice to be appreciated and it's nice to hear thank you once in a while. There are days where I need a little bit of a breather, but not to get away from you, but rather to re-focus myself on my priorities and tend to myself for a short time. The greatest gift you will always be able to give me on Mother's Day is your time. Mother's Day is a day I will always look forward to spending with my boys, that is, until you have families of your own and therefore, time or distance may determine otherwise.

Rest assured this Mommy could not be more fulfilled in her God-designed role to be entrusted with your lives. Overwhelming, and sometimes frightening as it may be, I do not desire to be outside of where God has placed me. There were days, early on, where I could not have said this. But because I've been in that place, I can now look back and see how the Lord has changed, and continues to change, me, to be the Mom I am called to be. None of us ever arrive - we are always works in progress. Mommy will always be a work in progress. There is a song that I hope you will both always keep close in your memory:

He's still workin' on me, to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth, and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
He's still workin' on me.

I know I will make mistakes. I know I won't always be the best example I could be, or should be. I know there will be days when I drive you crazy. But I promise to give it my best, and when I don't, I will ask for the Lord to re-direct my steps. Be forewarned- I will never stop loving you. I could never possibly understand accurately how our Heavenly Father loves and feels for us, but motherhood has given me more of an understanding than I had before. What a privilege and a gift each of you are to me.