Happy First Year Birthday, Piper!

With my sister's permission, I am using the following letter of hers as a guest post for today's blog entry. Today is Piper's First Year Birthday, and I found this letter to be appropriate in commemorating the occasion. Jaime sent this letter to family and some friends a few months ago. Please read it all the way through - you will be blessed indeed.

“A mother’s treasure is her daughter.”

Nine months ago a little girl entered our lives. We decided to call her “Piper Montgomerie.” The very moment she came out, we knew very little of what lay ahead of us. We did however thank God for what lay behind us. What most of you don’t know is, when I was pregnant with Piper, it was an abnormal pregnancy to say the least. The short version of the story is that Gary and I were told at just 12 weeks pregnant that there was some concern in one of our ultrasounds. From that appointment we had to go to a specialist group for further ultrasounds and doctors appointments for months to come. We were told that Piper would not be “Normal”. There was presence of cystic hygroma and some other medical jargon. She was believed to either have “Down’s syndrome”, “Turner’s Syndrome”, or a “Lethal Heart disease” & would not survive after the age of one. During that same appointment we were encouraged of two things… one was to do some further testing to determine which of the three she would have which had risks of miscarrying, and the other was to consider termination. This was literally like a knife through our hearts. We had never been so uncomfortable and so hurt and feeling like we were in such a cold and dark place. Once we were able to leave that medical facility and sort out all the of the information that was just presented to us, we found our clear thoughts. Gary and I knew right away that we were uncomfortable with both choices that were presented to us. Those of you who know me well, know that I am usually taking the rebel route, if you tell me to go left I will go right. I think we caught that unit off guard when we presented them with our decision to do “nothing” (in their eyes…neither of their options) and just ride out the wave that we were on. But we knew that we were actively doing “something”, we were leaving it in the hands of the man in charge. Through our faith in God and the endless support of our family we prayed that God would have a hand in her health and reminded ourselves everyday that we were ready for whatever was in store for us and this child. We committed to love and care for this child in whatever way her health demanded.

As you read this you are probably thinking “Why didn’t we tell you?” Our decision to keep this to ourselves was not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or to have people feeling “left out”. It was made to insure that we only had positive energy focused on the birth of our child at all times. We didn’t want to focus on the “What if’s & what might be.”

I am writing you all now to inform you that indeed “Piper” did not turn out normal. Instead, she turned out to be an “Angel” sent from above. She fought past every obstacle that was working against her and came to us with nothing less than perfection. I will never forget the moment when she came out and I couldn’t yet see her so I looked at Gary and said “How is she”, he replied “She’s perfect”. I have never had so much emotion rushing through my body at any one point in time. In the hospital the doctor’s gave her a 9.9 on the APGAR test and said “No one gets a 10.”

She has changed our lives & shown us love that we didn’t even know existed. She laughs religiously and has infinite amounts of energy. She lights up every room when she is in it. She makes it known that she is here and she is lively! People are drawn to her wherever we go. The gift of our daughter “Piper” has been the greatest joy we could have ever imagined and we look forward to every second with her. Gary and I race into her room in the mornings to fight over who gets to take her out of the crib first. As we get up to the crib and peek over she is looking up waiting for us with her huge smile and as soon as she sees one or both of us she starts to giggle. There is nothing greater than waking up to this every day! We are so fortunate. There is not one moment that is taken for granted with “Piper” and we thank God everyday for her.

Piper has so many funny quirks about her… when she plays she propels her arms so fast while doing a cheering scream that we swear she is going to fly into the air at any second. She imitates grunts and screams and copies anything that you do. She giggles with this amazing innocence, and when she cries she sincerely feels like her heart was just broken and you can see it on her face. She loves life and loves big and her heart is made of pure gold. Hopefully you have all been able to meet “Piper”… and if you haven’t you are in for a real treat!

Name Meaning:

Piper – Flute Player

Montgomerie – from the hill of the powerful man

We know this was meant to be… she is a girl that makes beautiful music from God.

With all of our Love,

Gary, Jaime & Piper Musselman

A Place in Heaven

Drew has spent several months praying for so many during his bedtime prayers. Most of those for whom he has been praying were/are afflicted with cancer. He has been so faithful, on his own, to remember each one, every night. In November, we explained how one of those friends he was praying for had graduated to Heaven. It was the first experience we had with trying to explain this in relation to someone he knew, to help his four-year-old brain conceptualize our/his friend dying on earth and living in Heaven with Jesus forever.

In the last week, we lost another friend to cancer. However, once again, we are comforted by her being in the presence of her King. However, it was once again time to attempt explaining to Drew. With one discussion like this under our belt in recent history, we tried to be a little more specific with our explanation. It seemed that perhaps that helped a little.

Fast forward to last night, when it was once again time for bedtime prayers. When listing all the names he was going to remember in his prayers, he asked if he could pray for the two friends mentioned above. We affirmed his desire to do that; however, we reminded him that it is the families of those two friends who need our prayers now and that our friends are in heaven, so they have been healed completely. He was in need of further explanation, so we reviewed the concept of them not being on earth anymore and our not seeing them again until we are in Heaven.

Then came the statement that melted my heart, and my tears fell: "Daddy, is cancer a place in Heaven?"

Oh, sweet precious Andrew. It is so hard to explain these things... these are not things that are easy for Daddy and Mommy to know the words that are perfect. It is so important that we share all these things with you, even when we know the news will hurt and cause your heart to be sad for a little while.

My tears, my melted heart... they were a result of his strong desire to think, to consider, all the things being discussed... his attempt at grasping two very abstract concepts... his desire to understand why it was their time to go to Heaven.

In the meantime, just a reminder that we are so grateful for what each of these two special ladies was to our family over the years, and that we are thankful for the years the Lord did give them on this Earth... our lives, including the lives of our children, have been enriched because of them.

Simpler Christmas Revisited

Well, turns out I'm not the only one on this journey...

Read this, and you will also enjoy reading the comments that follow.

Ways to a Simpler Christmas

After hearing how many of my close friends have really long To-Do Lists this time of year, I thought I would offer some solace to, a) those of you who loathe list-making and just want to let yourself soak up all Christmas-time has to offer and b) those of you who thrive on lists but are so over the never-ending tasks of Christmas.

*Disclaimer*

This is only going to be of help for those in the b) category if you are willing to surrender your past ideals. If you make yourself crazy with your lists, and you love to do so, then, this article will be of no help.

In the past, I have discussed on this blog how our family relishes in the simplicity of our Christmas (here and here). Now, I am not going to share every single aspect of our Christmas celebration here... that is not the point of this post. However, I am going to share the things that are derived from a list of craziness, but they are fewer in number, they are less intense, toned down several notches, we move more slowly while we do them, and we savor each moment involved. We have a greater appreciation for these simpler things than we've had for many more things in Christmases past.

Let me start by saying that even last year, when we had a simple Christmas planned and in order, the Lord simplified it even more by timing my surgery for December 17th. That really made us prioritize, slow down even more, and enjoy that which was the reason for this season.

Gonzalez Ways to a Simpler Christmas

• Our past tradition of sending Christmas cards was re-arranged to become, instead, an Easter tradition. We now send cards at Easter, and that alone takes quite a bit off one's list. We still include a family photo and letter - it just arrives at a different time of year.
• We purchase one gift for each child, and David and I abstain from gifts for each other. For most of you, your jaw is on the floor now. The first times in our marriage that we did this, it was an adjustment. But, now, we don't miss the gifts. Now, keep in mind that neither Dave nor I have a Primary Love Language of Gifts. If we did, this might be catastrophic, and if your Primary Love Language is Gifts, or your spouse's is, I don't recommend this!
• We put up a few strings of lights on the front of the house, but we don't purchase or use elaborate lawn decorations or lights that cover the yard. There is nothing wrong with lots of lights! They are beautiful! We just do a simpler version and the look on the kids' faces is still one of delight and wonder as they watch the twinkling lights.
• We attend a Christmas Eve Service at our church. Keeps our focus in the right place on the Eve of the biggest Commercial holiday! We LOVE to attend Christmas Eve service, and it's such a joy to see our church 'family' on this holiday, too!
  
• We bake, but mostly just for the experience of baking. We keep a few sweets on hand for the kids to enjoy during the holiday, but we don't keep a long list of those to bake for. Yes, it is wonderful to let all those folks know how important they are to us, and that we are thankful for them. But, let's be honest - they are not in fellowship with us because of what we give them at Christmas. For that same reason:
• We don't purchase gifts for other families outside our own, except for families in need. See previous note.

So, these are just some of the ways our family chooses to lead a simpler Christmas season. We have found that we are much more free to enjoy time with those we love when the opportunities arise because we are not pressed with to-do's. We avoid the commercial side of Christmas at all costs, and do not allow ourselves to spend based on our emotions. By offering our family this simplicity, we pray that our children will grow up understanding there are no 'have-to-do's' to make Christmas happen. Remember what I said in 2008: "in spite of the absence of all other practical preparations, He chose to send His only son, our Lord, to this earth and provide the one gift none of us would be alive without."

Christmas is coming, and it will be here, whether your list is complete or not! Make your heart ready, and be blessed. Let the rest stay where it belongs... on the list.

Operation Christmas Child

I wouldn't normally talk about this in a public forum, but this is a story of waiting on the Lord and Him granting us the desires of our hearts. He alone deserves all the glory for this.

Every year, our church participates in something known as Operation Christmas Child. It is organized by Samaritan's Purse, and while you can read more about it on their web page, put simply, it is an international effort to put shoe boxes filled with wonderful things for children all across the globe who do not have much and the boxes are presented along with the Gospel message.

Since having Drew, I have wanted to participate in this each year when the time rolls around. Our MOPS group participates, setting a new goal each year for how many boxes we hope to collect and pray over before they are shipped out. Well, every year, when it's time to participate, our finances have just not allowed for spending the money on the contents for the box. Yes, by now, I've lost you. Most of you are probably doubting that statement, and thinking something like "Well, really. You can't just forgo a few luxuries and put out the few dollars to send this stuff to some child who has way less than you?" I can't blame you for thinking that, because every year, I've felt silly not participating - guilty even. But every year, at this time, we have just not been able to give up $20 - that $20 was either all we had left to buy diapers or a few groceries, or gas. So, every year, I was gravely disappointed that I, someone who lives in the most privileged nation, and is way wealthier than most people in the world, could not participate in this wonderful ministry to children. I was wanting so bad to make it a family tradition with my children.

Fast forward to this year. I intended to take a box, but like in previous years, the money just wasn't there. As in, no money to pull out of the bank. I felt awful - but knowing that Dave and I are working diligently on the plans the Lord has laid before us, by paying cash for everything, not using credit, etc., etc., etc., we learned that being content also includes recognizing when you have given at the level you can, and waiting on the Lord before you give again. I missed the MOPS deadline, and thought I had missed the church deadline. Yesterday at school, Drew's teacher gave him a box to bring home and fill. Honestly, I was a little annoyed. Not with the teacher, at all, but annoyed because now how am I supposed to explain to my son that we can't fill the box? Annoyed only because I wasn't sure how I was going to explain this difficult topic to my four year old.

I was there at dismissal because I had helped with Drew's class for the last hour and he and I were going to have a Drew and Mommy Date. He was redeeming a reward ticket that called for a "Shop Till You Drop" day. My mom was watching B so Drew and I could spend some time together perusing thrift stores, stopping at the grocery for five things, and somehow, I just knew the Lord was going to provide a way for me to allow my son to "Shop" without spending a load of money. I thought I would be creative with which stores we went to and what types of things I could entice him with in order to not spend money on useless stuff that we don't need.

After my brief 2 seconds of annoyance I mentioned earlier, the Lord gave me my answer! I had previously worked it out in my mind that we would not spend more than $30 yesterday on our 'date,' including lunch. After a $6 lunch for both of us, together, we stopped at a thrift store, bought a DVD for Drew (Old Yeller), and then we went to the Dollar Store. What little boy doesn't just love the Dollar Store?! I explained to Drew before going in that we were there to pick out toys, books, and necessary items for a little boy on the other side of the world who doesn't have much. I explained, as best I could in four-year-old speak, the ministry that would take place because of this box. We went in, and Drew had a blast "shopping" like crazy, picking out all sorts of things to put in the shoe box for this little boy. He could not contain his excitement. He never asked for anything for himself (which is hard not to do in the Dollar Store!). We paid, spent $19, and we were on our way. We picked up the few groceries we needed on the way home, and once home, Drew was more than satisfied with his "Shop till you Drop" afternoon, and felt he had been rewarded with an amazing prize, better than he had even imagined it being.

All that to say, in a very long-winded way, that the Lord may have had me wait four years, but He did grant me the desire of my heart to send a box to a very special child somewhere so that he may be blessed by its contents and hear about the love of Jesus Christ. AND, he planted that desire in my son's young heart, as well.

As many as I love I rebuke and chasten -- Revelation 3:19

A reflection on this as printed in my Streams in the Desert Devotional that my mother-in-love game me many years ago:

If all my days were sunny, could I say,
"In His fair land He wipes all tears away?"

If I were never weary, could I keep
Close to my heart, "He gives His loved ones sleep?"

Where no graves mine, might I not come to deem
The Life Eternal but a baseless dream?

My winter, and my tears, and weariness,
Even my graves, may be His way to bless.

I call them ills; yet that can surely be
Nothing but love that shows my Lord to me!

The most deeply taught Christians are generally those who have been brought into the searching fires of deep soul-anguish. If you have been praying to know more of Christ, do not be surprised if He takes you aside into a desert place, or leads you into a furnace of pain.

Andrew and His School

I don't think it will come as a surprise to any of you how much Andrew is loving going to preschool. He looks so forward to waking up each morning, eating breakfast with Daddy, getting dressed, riding with Daddy to school and playing on the playground until school starts.

Drew loves his teacher, and if you could see the way he looks at her... it is priceless. To add an interesting element to this story, Drew's teacher is married to the man who was the Dean of Men at the college David attended for his first two years of school. We all think that it is so special that our son was placed in her class, and we know that God called her to be his teacher this year.

Now, I am not one to brag about my child's academic achievements as something to be benchmarked, heralded all over the place, or compared to those of others. I am simply very excited by what he is learning and how he is growing, so much, already, in school.

He is already reciting, at his own prompting, a rather lengthy (for 4 year old children) bible verse, John 3:16-17: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. We have worked with Drew regarding scripture memorization prior to school, but those verses were always much shorter. Who knew that he was going to be quoting such passages so early! I think you all know that it brings such joy to see your child learning to hide God's word in his/her heart. I don't know about you, but I wasn't memorizing scripture that long when I was four!

He has brought home two books to keep at home that he can read to me! What? Yes! He can read them to me! They are about 6 to 8 pages, but he reads them. I LOVE to hear him read.

He is initiating prayer for others more often at home instead of always waiting for mine or David's prompting. Any of you that know Drew know he is very compassionate, and this is an extension of that compassion that the Lord is growing within him.

He adores the time of day where his class participates in centers. I think his favorite center is the listening center. He is enjoying every single classmate in his class - he is very relational, and has been waiting so long to get to be part of a class.

Well, lest I bore you with more details, forgive my unorganized but enthusiastic thoughts. We are so blessed, beyond measure, to be able to send our son to our school of choice. We do not take that for granted, and we praise the Lord for all He is already doing in our young Andrew through his school.

God on the Mountain

A few weeks ago Dave and I escaped for 24 hours in honor of our anniversary. Mom kept the boys for us, and we ran some errands together (an extreme rarity in our household) and also made some spontaneous stops on the way (Big Cypress Marketplace, for one). Anyway, we were gone for part of Saturday and part of Sunday. On Sunday morning, we went to go eat breakfast on the water, and afterward, the Lord literally directed our car to a Baptist church with 25 in attendance, counting us (!). Well, God spoke to both of us in a mighty way during that service, and the end of the service included something that will serve as one of the great spiritual events in my life. That moment was precipitated by one of the dear sweet ladies who welcomed us, with actual open arms, at the beginning of the service, singing this song. I had not heard it in a long, long time - and I had never heard anyone else sing it in my presence except for my late Godmother. The clip below is not from that church service, but rather from a Gaither Gathering, where Gospel Music singer Lynda Randle performs the song.

Even SuperHeroes Need Rest

Oh, sometime in the last ten days, Drew insisted it was not a day to wear normal clothes. Instead, only Superman garb would do. So, on the costume went and my energetic son set off to save the world. He was fighting off dragons, keeping me safe from intruders and protecting his little brother from harm. He was building massive structures and leaping over them. He didn't need food or water either. Each of my offers for nourishment were met with this response: "Superman is SO strong he doesn't need food, OR water, or guess what, Mommy? Superman doesn't need a NAP either!" Well, you all know that a nap is required for the Drewster, and I told him that he needed to start quieting down, because before too long, I would put him to bed for naptime. Well, shortly thereafter, the phone rang, and I was occupied for about three minutes before I realized "Hmmm, it's gotten awfully quiet around here." I walked into our bedroom and peeked around the corner to see this, complete with some pretty intense snoring.



I chuckled to myself, and grinned uncontrollably. Hah - he thought he didn't need any rest. Then I got to thinking - just like when I tell God that "I've got this. Thanks, but I'm not tired. I'm... not... w e a r y. " Sure. Okay. But then, before we know it, we've burned out. We crash. Our body demands rest to the point where we have no choice. We succumb to that which our frame requires. I do it. I hear God telling me that now is not the time. You need not do this right now. You can't do everything. No, but I can sure try. I'm telling you to rest, be still. How can I be still? Look at all that needs my attention. REST, NOW. Who needs rest? Only the weak, and I am not weak. Oh, my child. Even I needed rest. The 7th Day. Remember?

Welcome to the Family, Bradley!

Bradley David Gonzalez
Monday, September 21, 2009
8:21 a.m.
8 lbs. 1 oz.
20 inches long

The Old Man...

I can feel it as he moves... a slow, persistent saunter, without trepidation... it is the 'old man' trying to creep back up within me. He cloaks his intentions with rationality and relativism. He whispers mottos of self-preservation and expects me to join the cause.

As I prepare to embark on the journey of life with two children, more specifically, having another newborn in the house, I am, ashamedly, traversing ever so closely to that fruitless road of selfishness.

A little history
I was the poster child for selfish the first few months of Andrew's life in our home. I acted, and re-acted with the attitude that I was the one who had done so much, given so much, lost so much (sleep, of myself, normalcy, etc.). I was not as giving to my husband as I had previously thought I would have been during such times. I did not attempt to do anything special for him; I expected everything to be done on my terms. The Lord used that time in my life to illustrate in the most tangible way for me at the time my true nature and my need for His power to work through me.

Back to the present
As you think of me or my family in the weeks leading up to, including, and following baby boy's birth, would you please pray for my heart and my attitude? Along with all the normal prayers (which are all very welcome and very important) for the preparation, birth, recovery, etc., would you please pray that I not be tempted by that crooked 'old man' who wants to get his way again? The Lord has used my initial journey into motherhood to show me what selfish is. I want to 'pass the test' this time, and I want to model love, patience, understanding and peace to my family during this beautiful time of transition in our lives.

Our Little Boy is Three!

Friday, July 31st, was Andrew's Third Birthday! We can hardly believe it. He has grown to be such a compassionate little boy who is full of excitement, loves to share his sense of humor, and is growing to know more about Jesus each day. He is filled with wonder for the natural world around him, and loves to be a helper to Daddy and/or Mommy, regardless of the task. He enjoys cooking (baking), doing laundry, helping in the yard, and washing windows! To say we are thankful for this precious gift the Lord gave to us three years ago is quite an understatement, but is as true as can be.

Andrew loves to talk, and each day, he surprises us with what he will say next (in a good way). Just last night, Daddy asked him: "Drew, what was your favorite part about visiting the dentist today?" Andrew's reply astounded us, as he phrased it in a complete sentence, which, of course, we have not 'taught' him yet. He said, "My favorite part was going up in the spaceship chair."

The other night we asked, while in the car riding home after dark, "Andrew, who hung the moon?" I wasn't really sure what his response would be- I think part of me thought he wouldn't understand the question. He replied, quite emphatically, "JESUS!"

I wish I would have written down all the amazing things he has said in the last week or so, but I wouldn't be wishing I had if, I, in fact, had. So, thanks for humoring me and allowing me to share a few things I remember from the last couple days.

While we wish we could stall this time in his life (doesn't every parent), we look forward to seeing how God is going to continue to grow him through the years. Andrew, it has been the joy of our lives to be your parents, even for these three short years, and we thank God for the awesome responsibility and privilege He has given us with your life. We love you, and Happy Birthday!

I am choosing to trust in Him
There is no other way to get through it
I am choosing to allow Him
To show us the way
I am choosing to see His love
I don't understand the journey ahead
He knows His ways
He is God and I am not

Not My Ways, But Yours

As you all have heard (and perhaps seen the photos), David's truck was considered a total loss after an accident on June 27th. Prior to that, we had been trying to sell the car I drove so we could upgrade to a mini-van, or a "mothership", as some ladies I know call it. We had just finally decided to list the car on E-Bay the day before the accident for a 7-day auction. We had it for sale for a while, but given that we weren't willing to pay $40-$50 an ad to list it in various places, our exposure was limited.

Well, now that the whole insurance fiasco is finally over with, we can see how, while we would never choose for Dave and Drew to be in an accident, this was the Lord's way of providing for what our family needed. Our insurance settlement for Dave's truck was more than we could have ever sold our car for, and we were able to purchase a van for less than that amount.

I must admit, especially during the first week following the accident, my attitude was not the greatest in this regard. I was upset at the man who hit Dave's truck, at the insurance for taking their sweet time returning phone calls, at the financial hit I thought we were going to take for someone else's mistake, etc., etc., etc.

However, God's provision is always an interesting thing, and this experience has taught me that once more.

I don't have eloquent words or smart phrases to make this post sound either way. I am just summarizing to say that God is at work, and so clearly in ways that we, or others, may not choose. I am, however, choosing to recognize the situations as the inroads in which the Lord is creating a path that will more closely connect me with His Son, Jesus. In it, I will choose to allow His refining process and to be grateful for it. The testimonies of several families, whose burdens are so very great and heavy, are an inspiration to me of how to reflect the glory of God.

Miracles UPDATE

On June 22nd, I posted to this blog about two miracles in the life of my family recently. Well, little did I know that the Lord had another miracle to show us.

After church Saturday night, we stopped at Wal-Mart to get a few groceries. When we left, Drew wanted to ride with Dave in the truck, so I drove home alone in the car. Dave and Drew followed behind me. We were almost home, and I was a little way ahead of them. I had make the second to last turn to our street. Right after I had turned the corner, Dave and Drew were in an accident. A car was coming for Dave's truck head-on. Once he saw what was about to happen, he turned the truck as best he could without flipping it so as to avoid a head-on collision. The car struck Dave's side of the truck, spinning it off the road and into the ditch.

Clearly I knew something was wrong when I reached our driveway and Dave had not yet turned onto our road. Right then, my phone rang from a number I did not recognize calling to tell me about the accident. I was back there in less than two minutes to see two police cars, a fire truck and an ambulance rushing to the accident. I had no idea in what condition I would find my family. Once there, I jumped out of my car to run to my baby boy and my husband who were standing on the opposite side of the road with a couple who had stopped to help them. God's handprint was all over the situation and my family was safe.

Miracles
1. Dave was able to think clearly fast enough to maneuver his truck in such a way that it did not flip.
2. The truck was hit far enough back on the driver's side to prevent serious injury to Dave.
3. Drew's car seat was on the opposite side of the truck than that which was hit.
4. There was no water in the ditch.
5. The Christian couple that stopped to help Dave and Drew witnessed the accident. They helped them out of the truck, and the husband used to be a policeman.
6. An unusually high number of people were outside for 9:50 pm on a Saturday night on a two-lane road and witnessed the accident.
7. Dave and Drew were in the truck, and not the car.
8. The car struck Dave's truck where it did, and not further down the road where there is a bridge over a canal.
9. The driver of the car admitted to his fault in the accident.

We give the Lord all the praise and glory for His protection in this situation.

We are just waiting now for the insurance company to decide what the fate of the truck is; besides what you see in this photo, there are several damaged areas underneath with regard to the axle, drive shaft, frame, etc. Then we need your prayers as to how we should proceed based on the decision from the insurance.

Miracles

My prayer life lately has taken a turn for the intense, bold petitioning kind- the kind that doesn't let up, that brings you to the throne of God and His grace to intercede for the situations of those placed on my heart. As I have been pursuing in prayer, pleading with God, for miracles in these situations, I am reminded of two very true miracles performed in the life of my family in the last few months. I don't call them miracles for dramatic effect; instead, there is no doubt that but for His grace, protection and sovereign hand, each situation would have had a dramatically different outcome.

One was in late February of this year. We hadn't made our news of being pregnant public yet. I think I was between 9 and 10 weeks, and over the weekend it appeared I had miscarried. I don't really know how to describe how we felt, so I won't try. Let's just say it was a terribly long weekend, and it seemed as we were going to the doctor on Monday merely as a formality. We expected, and believed, the worst. However, during our ultrasound, there was baby, heart beating as strongly as ever! Only the Lord could have done that... there is no other explanation for how everything occurred. While overcome with unspeakable joy, thankfulness, happy tears, and a myriad of other emotions, we suddenly realized, once again, how personal our Lord is. He chose to touch our lives in a moment where He saw the need and knew the outcome. He met us in our moment of despair and reminded us of His hand.

The second was just about a week and a half ago. Dave was at work on a Friday morning, and Drew and I were at home getting things ready to go grocery shopping. The phone rings- it's Dave, he says he's hurt and that Rodney will talk to me. Rodney tells me what happened and I am frantically racing to get Drew in the car, get out the door with everything Drew needs and I need, not knowing what to expect. I meet up with Jennifer to take Drew for me because I don't know how badly Dave is hurt and how long I will have him at the doctor's or the hospital. While moving some furniture, Dave caught his finger and got a small cut. He was standing in the kitchen, rinsing it off, and he passed out. He fell straight back, like a tree, according to his co-workers, and his head bounced off the tile floor twice. He woke up pale, sweating, and in pain, with his co-workers trying to get his attention. After a long afternoon at the hospital, the ER doctor was very surprised to report that Dave had NO fracture in his skull and no other trauma to his brain. She gave him a clean bill of health, that she stated more than once was quite unusual for such a fall. We know that the Lord protected Dave's head. There is no other way the outcome would have been the same. Of course, the more I think about this event, the more it frightens me, but that is not of the Lord. There are SO many ways it could have been much worse, but, praise the Lord it was not and my husband is healthy and whole. It was a miracle for our whole family, but I consider the part personal to me was God, once again, meeting me in my moment of despair, not knowing how I would find my sweet husband once I got to him.

It is in the moments of reflection on these two fairly recent events in my life that I can approach our Heavenly Father with the burdens of those whom He has placed on my heart, and confidently say I know ALL things are possible with Him. He commands our destiny, and there is nothing in the lives of these dear ones that can take them from His hold. As the old Rich Mullins song says: In this world we will have struggles, but He gives us His peace, so that where He is, there we may also be.

I don't know if you are struggling with something in which it appears there is no hope, or there is only despair, but be encouraged that the Lord IS with you. He will never leave you, and He holds you in the palm of His hand. Miracles do happen!

Three Years Ago Today

My phone at work rang with devastating news: my Aunt 'Reen' (my godmother) had died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was 8 months pregnant with Andrew - she had just thrown us our baby shower 10 days earlier. That was the last time I saw her.

I do remember that when I said good-bye to her when leaving the baby shower, that I hugged her, hesitated to pull away, and then hugged on her a little longer. I didn't know why - I really didn't think about it until after she died.

Clearly, her death was much harder on her own family than it has been for me. My journey has taken a little longer than I thought it would though. When I first received the call at work, I screamed, I wailed, I couldn't breathe - I was in shock and disbelief. My co-workers heard me and came running. While trying to find out what happened, they were desperately trying to calm me down since I was still pregnant. Praise God, they forced me to gain physical control of myself again. From that point on, I kept my emotions reigned in and never really let them occur as I would have had I not been pregnant.

Yes, I cried here and there, sometimes more often than not: at her funeral service, at the hospital when Andrew was born (she was so happy to be having a 'great god-child,' as she called our unborn baby), in the weeks following Andrew's birth, every passing of her birthday, each holiday, and each time I would come across the special letter she gave to me at our baby shower. But, because I have Andrew, I have always believed he has been one of those 'promises of joy following grief' that Pastor Greg referred to this weekend in church. I believe Andrew has been a large part of the reason I was able to make it through the shock, the disbelief, the anger, all the emotions that went along with having someone close to you plucked away at a time that seemed all wrong.

The grief associated with the sudden nature of her death always catches me off guard, in the most unexpected ways. When it does, it grips me tight. But it is in those moments where I am reminded of the promises of joy fulfilled, and those yet to come, following the sadness of such a loss.

Three years ago today I was pregnant with our first child when I heard the awful news. Today, I am pregnant with our second child as I remember the life of a God-honoring, loving, sacrificial woman who was my godmother and was responsible for helping my family in countless ways.

I love you, Aunt Reen. I look forward to the reunion we will have one day when we see each other again in glory.

I Love My Guys.

Reflecting on the goodness of the Lord and how thankful I am for my husband and my son today. There was a time when Dave and I were friends (read: not dating, not even close) and I confessed to him that I was fearful of not being able to ever share the love the Lord gave me with a family of my own. Well, we all know who fear is from, and we all know that is not how my story ended- The Lord had other plans. Little did I know He would bless me with Dave as my future husband- the only friend in which I ever confided this fear.

Mighty Prevailing Prayer

Anyone reading, or read, the book by Wesley Deuwel: Mighty Prevailing Prayer? Your thoughts, please.