Three Years Ago Today

My phone at work rang with devastating news: my Aunt 'Reen' (my godmother) had died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was 8 months pregnant with Andrew - she had just thrown us our baby shower 10 days earlier. That was the last time I saw her.

I do remember that when I said good-bye to her when leaving the baby shower, that I hugged her, hesitated to pull away, and then hugged on her a little longer. I didn't know why - I really didn't think about it until after she died.

Clearly, her death was much harder on her own family than it has been for me. My journey has taken a little longer than I thought it would though. When I first received the call at work, I screamed, I wailed, I couldn't breathe - I was in shock and disbelief. My co-workers heard me and came running. While trying to find out what happened, they were desperately trying to calm me down since I was still pregnant. Praise God, they forced me to gain physical control of myself again. From that point on, I kept my emotions reigned in and never really let them occur as I would have had I not been pregnant.

Yes, I cried here and there, sometimes more often than not: at her funeral service, at the hospital when Andrew was born (she was so happy to be having a 'great god-child,' as she called our unborn baby), in the weeks following Andrew's birth, every passing of her birthday, each holiday, and each time I would come across the special letter she gave to me at our baby shower. But, because I have Andrew, I have always believed he has been one of those 'promises of joy following grief' that Pastor Greg referred to this weekend in church. I believe Andrew has been a large part of the reason I was able to make it through the shock, the disbelief, the anger, all the emotions that went along with having someone close to you plucked away at a time that seemed all wrong.

The grief associated with the sudden nature of her death always catches me off guard, in the most unexpected ways. When it does, it grips me tight. But it is in those moments where I am reminded of the promises of joy fulfilled, and those yet to come, following the sadness of such a loss.

Three years ago today I was pregnant with our first child when I heard the awful news. Today, I am pregnant with our second child as I remember the life of a God-honoring, loving, sacrificial woman who was my godmother and was responsible for helping my family in countless ways.

I love you, Aunt Reen. I look forward to the reunion we will have one day when we see each other again in glory.