Do I Have to LOOK Pregnant?!

I am more vain than I thought. Okay, I guess I knew it; I just kept wanting to believe differently. When I was pregnant with Andrew, some of my early thoughts on the subject of size and appearance included: Who cares if I get big? I'm carrying a baby, right? No one is going to say anything about the size of a pregnant woman! And so on and so forth...

Well, I learned all too quickly how those were naive thoughts of the first-time, newly pregnant. It wasn't long before I felt overly large, considering my stature doesn't allow much room for baby to spread out vertically. Soon I was getting comments not unlike what any other pregnant woman has heard: Are you having twins? When are you due- you look like you are ready now! Boy, you've really popped out! Wow, you're huge (yes, that was my favorite - not!)! Now, before you all think this is merely a commentary on the thoughtless things people say, stay with me. It really isn't.

As the months went by, particularly entering months 7 and 8, I really thought it was a joke. My swelling kicked into high gear, I had started outgrowing some of my maternity clothes (yikes!), and I developed cankles: you couldn't tell where my calves ended and my ankles began. I began to refer to the lower portion of my used-to-be legs as elephant feet.

While I would never trade all this for the alternative of not having been pregnant, I entered quite a dark time about two months before Drew was born and it lasted until about he was six months old. The reason for this is because I felt the most unfeminine, unattractive, and uncoordinated I had ever felt in my entire life.

Fast forward to now, and as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I have been telling myself: Maybe you can be different this time. Maybe you can walk and run so much that you don't gain much weight. Maybe this time you'll be prettier while you're pregnant. Maybe you can try harder to deny yourself all the little edible indulgences you allowed yourself last time. Maybe this, maybe that... you get the idea.

I have come to realize I can do all I can to keep healthy, but (duh!), I am going to look pregnant! Why? Because I am! I am supposed to! I know I am going to struggle with this in my thought life. I am asking, with all sincerity, if you all will pray, first and foremost, for a healthy pregnancy and safe baby. Second, will you moms pray for me in this area with which I know I struggle? Your prayers, along with my own, and my daily casting this burden on the Lord, will make all the difference.

As excited as I am to be carrying our second child, it is still humbling to dig out the maternity clothes and even start putting some on (but just the small ones so far!). I keep wondering if I can just suck in my stomach, but as I learned last time, that only works for so long!